FFF's Recession Survival Plan

In these difficult economic times, it can prove difficult to find reliable sources of income. Do not panic, the guys at FFF are here to help. Below are three failproof money making schemes that you can try.

(1) Become an NBA head coach - This is one job market that is hopping. I am sure that you (like myself) probably have paid zero attention to the NBA this year and that you also may question whether you have the proper qualifications for such a job. Those are really both non-issues. Ultimately, with already six new coaches named just since the start of the season, there is clearly a revolving door in this position and eventually there will be a spot for anyone remotely interested. The money maker here is really the 'buy out' clause within your contract. Get a good one drafted as part of your contractual agreement, as these jobs last about as long as high school love affairs. Also, if you feel you need some publicity, call Stephen A. Smith. He has reported on nothing of substance all year except for these 'who cares' coaching changes - so, he is your guy.

(2) Promote the guy who beat your ass. This is a genius scheme for sure. In case you missed it, last week Oscar De La Hoya got destroyed in a boxing match against Manny Pacquiao. Most watching the fight may have assumed De La Hoya is just past his prime - which is fair. I found other motivations today, when it was announced that Pacquiao has already scheduled his next big pay per view match-up against Ricky Hatton. Any guesses on who is promoting that fight? You guessed it - De La Hoya's 'Golden Boy' promotions company. This is a genius moneymaker. Take a nasty beating to prop up your client's publicity and then sign him for millions on the next fight. Golden Boy indeed.

(3) Sue NASCAR. Did you see the latest? NASCAR has decided to settle a sexual and racial discrimination case for $225 million dollars. My initial reaction to this is that you can slap my ass and call me Charlie and post clips of that online if you want, as long as the payout is $225 million dollars. Clearly, the charges are no laughing matter, but that is powerball type money. I mean seriously, if NASCAR has that kind of cash to pitch at a settlement, don't you think they should consider helping the big 3 automakers? After all, without the cars, the racing could really suck. Plus, better NASCAR saving their butts than you and I, huh? Oops - don't say NASCAR and butts in the same sentence. That could cost you.

Bailouts, Bowls and Backbone

After a long hiatus (I actually forgot my password) I'm back with the vengence of a coyote who hasn't seen a road kill in a long time. Three things that have been getting under my skin for awhile now are bailouts, bowls and backbone. All to variying degrees and for varying lengths.

Let's start with bailouts since I haven't gotten political on here in awhile (ever really), there is no way we should help to bailout the auto industry and everytime I hear one of the talking heads explain why we should I want to kick in my TV. Let me preface my remarks by saying I'm the biggest free market capitalist you have ever seen. If there were a complete opposite of Vladimir Lenin you are looking at him. I believe in Darwin economics, survival of the fittist company out there. If we keep bailing out the auto industry aren't we just a socialist country that subsidizes the auto industry? And if we subsidize the auto industry aren't we just curbing competition and creating a monopoly for the big three? Yes is the answer. Let 'em fail I say and maybe just maybe it will cause another business person to start their own car company (what a novel concept) and maybe create a company that doesn't gouge the public for all we are worth and put endless commercials on my kicked in TV. If we are going to bail the big 3 out the least they could do is give us a free car, right? Seems fair.

Okay now onto the bowls, I love 'em, can't get enough of them. I've often asked those who want a playoff system to go ahead and give me your dream version. If you had the power to create one tomorrow how would you do it. That eliminates about half of those out there because beyond wanting a playoff system they don't even know how they would implement one. Have it be 8 teams? Sure, but how do you decide on the eight? Give the six BCS conferences an automatic bid with two at large? Sure, let me know how that conversation goes when you tell Texas Tech or Texas or Utah or Boise State that two of you have no more games because there is no more room. Expand the brackets to 12 or 16? Absolutely, let me know how the conversation goes with the BCS conferences when you tell them to make a 12 or 16 team playoff work and have it conclude by baseball's opening day that you have to limit the regular season to 10 or 11 games and cost them the revenue from that 12th game in these economic times. Look, I understand wanting to have a playoff, its easy like playing the game memory on a glass table (think about that one). But, I for one would like to see Notre Dame at 6-6 take on a Hawaii team and see if Irish fans cringe with a loss (or a win for that matter). I like to see Les Miles take on a crafty triple option in Georgia Tech in their backyard and see if the mad hatter isn't truely half crazy.

Now to the backbone and I feel bad for piling on to the Auburn situation, but the AD there has to be spineless. I'm not going to condone or agree with what Charles Barkley said even if there is some truth to it. But, Tommy T. just got done beating Alabama seven years in a row before falling to them this year. I know this past game against Alabama was the worst lost in almost half a century, but if you are fans of college football you have to look at this from a whole. Seven years of dominance is pretty good. I mean the law of averages catches up to you sometimes. Even if you think Tommy's days are numbered can you really say as the AD that I made a better hire for the future when you pick a guy who is 5-19 in the Big 12 north? Its one thing if you play the triplets every year in the south (Texas, Texas Tech and Oklahoma), but when you play in the north and still only manage that record? Ouch. Nice job on winning the spineless award Mr. Jacobs you have earned it for not standing up and making the right choice, just the one you were forced to do.

"The Jimmy" Award

Here at the FFF, there are few things that we hold more sacred than a good, heartfelt reference to one’s self in the third person. We love this so much that I thought our blog needed an award of distinction to recognize great third person usage.

No person does the third person reference better than Urban “bigger than the program” Meyer and he is no doubt on the Mount Rushmore of third person vernacular. That said, the true ‘third person’ icon is Jimmy, from Seinfeld, as in “Jimmy likes Elaine.” As such, our award will bear his name and we will be giving this award anytime we witness good third person usage.



Today’s winner is Iowa State Athletic Director Jamie Pollard. Mr. Pollard wins the Jimmy for holding himself up as the moral standard bearer for ISU as he discussed the recent departure of Coach Gene Chizik, who apparently told Mr. Pollard one thing and the banks of Auburn, Alabama another. Mr. Pollard has this to say about his former coach, “…if he can live with that, more power to him. I know Jamie Pollard couldn’t have done that to this place.”

Nice work Jamie. For that nice moment of self recognition, we crown you the inaugural winner of "The Jimmy".

Memo to Professional Athletes - You are not soldiers.

This is short and to the point. Stephon Marbury and Kellen Winslow, Jr., take heed-- find some other metaphors than military and war references when giving a quote. You have the faintest idea what military service and being in a war zone is about. It is embarrassing and disrespectful to those who serve our country.

Let the quotes speak for themselves...

"...It's like we're in a foxhole and I'm facing the other way. If I got shot in the head, at least you want to get shot by the enemy. I got shot in the head by my own guys in my foxhole. And they didn't even give me an honorable death." - Stephon Marbury - ex-New York Knicks check casher.

"It's war. They're out there to kill you, so I'm out there to kill them. We don't care about anybody but this U. They're going after my legs. I'm going to come right back at them. I'm a ... soldier." - Kellen Winslow, Jr., - Overrated NFL tight end who cannot run a route beyond his Dad's shadow.

Guys, next time you are interviewed by the media, try interspersing terms like "underachieving"; "1:3 assist to turnover ratio"; or "dropped passes" into your quotes. People will begin believing what you have to say.

Jumping the shark - if you are able

As any married person will tell you - whatever is on the family DVR is what you will watch, regardless of who taped it. So, it is for this reason that I have been a regular Grey's Anatomy viewer for the past couple of years. The reality is, as medical shows not called Scrubs go, this one has not been bad. Rather enjoyable. At least until now. You see, the writers of Grey's decided to take their show over the shark by trying to develop "Ghost II" as a prime-time special. In case you missed it, the past two episodes have featured Izzie having ghost-gasms with her dead ex. Strange stuff, and definately the end of the show's run as decent television.

In other TV news...Rosie O'Donnell tried to make a come back this week. Luckily, no one watched. For all of the talk of HOPE this year, what has given me hope for our country is that Rosie had gone into extinction for the past year or so. Clearly, I am not a fan of hers. Truthfully, "Beautiful Girls" would probably be ranked as one of my top 3 all time favorite movies, but Rosie shows up midway through that film and screws it up and frankly I have been bitter about that for years. Anyway, since no one watched her show, and she is too fat to actually get off the ramp and over the shark, may I just go ahead and suggest Don Cornelius as a replacement host? Listen, say what you will, but I believe our country is ready for a Soul Train revival. A modern Soul Train would make Dancing With the Stars look like a bunch of white folks in a ballroom (hmmmm). Plus, Cornelius was recently arrested related to domestic violence. While this is not a positive situation for the rest of us, some sort of arrest record is actually a requirement for all modern television stars. Bring back Don already, and let's get that soul train line started.

We suck

I know - as blog hosts, we all three suck. The idea behind having three geniuses working together on one blog was that we would never fail to keep fresh topics for our valued fans (Robin and Jenn, we know you are out there).

Anyway, here is our commitment to do better for you all:

Dear FFF fans,

We will do better.

Your hosts


Written in stone baby - bank on it!!!