Dear Mr. Prime Minister,
Because I didn't give a lot of money to the Obama campaign I can't present this request as the formal representative of the United States, but hear me out because do I have a deal for you. I am asking you to do a great service to your cousins to the south and that is to please consider taking the city of Detroit off of our hands. I'm willing to offer you the entire city, its inhabitents and its sports teams for nothing. Now before you say "yes" I want to just go over some aspects of the deal so we are on the up and up.
The motivation for this deal on my part or more accurately the straw that broke the camels back occured on Friday night after game seven of the Stanley Cup Finals ended. As a loyal Canadian I'm sure you either watched or at the very least know that the Pittsburgh Penguins won one of the best game sevens of all-time. I have no love for the Penguins, but facts are facts. After the game was over the traditional handshakes took place between the teams and I thought I heard what appeared to be booing. I come from an area of the country where booing is an art form at athletic events so I consider myself a conniseur of booing. At first I thought this was just angry Detroit fans booing the Red Wings for blowing a series that they clearly outplayed the Penguins in. However, the Red Wing players exited the ice and the booing continued. It continued through the presentation of the MVP trophy and through the celebratory skate around the ice that has become tradition for the Stanley Cup Champions to do. Now nobody likes for an opposing team/player to celebrate on your favorite teams home ice/court/field. But, in hockey Mr. Prime Minister as you know it has become tradition for the audience, whether they are rooting for or against the Stanley Cup Champion, to at the very least applaude the newly crowned champs. Obviously this did not happen.
This was it for Detroit in my mind, not only are they the recipients of the biggest welfare check in United States history (see the bailout of GM) they could possibly be the most corrupt city in America. I know this is a lot for you to take on, but you guys do have universal health care so you know about handling welfare for large numbers of people. If it will help to sweeten the deal I'm willing to throw in the city of Toledo, Oh as well. I know this isn't the Louisiana Purchase or anything, but it does expand your tax base and you get to replace the Expos with the Tigers, the Winnipeg Jets for the Red Wings, the Grizzlies for the Pistons and the Bills for the Lions. Okay maybe taking the Lions is too much we can move them to the Upper Peninsula and nobody will know.
Think about it Mr. Prime Minister and God save the queen.
